Intergalactic Casanova
by Astraldust
Summary: John needs to get things into perspective concerning his love life or lack there of.


My first fanfic so please be kind. No Beta so I'm afraid the mistakes are all mine.

**Summery: **John needs to get things into perspective concerning his love life or lack there of.

**Rating: **T Adult theme but pretty harmless.

**Spoilers: **Generally through season 1 and 2 up to Inferno

**Disclaimer: - **I don't own Stargate Atlantis or its super characters.

This little idea came about after reading some unbelievable comments floating about some Forums these days.

This was written just as bit of harmless fun, so please don't kill me or send death threat emails.

**Intergalactic Casanova - An extract from Lt. Colonel John Sheppard's private journal. **

Foreword 

It's the early hours of the morning and I'm really tired, but we have another Hive ship on the way and because of that, I sure as heck can't sleep. Believe me I've tried, so I decided to make this entry into my - not so full - computer journal concerning something I have to get off my plate - you know - just in case. However, I'm not about to go posting this passage as a hard copy for every Atlantean to gloat over or collect on some misbegotten bet. Nonetheless, putting this in writing is the only way I can express my true feelings concerning this matter. Although, I guess if anyone ever gets to read this, then I'm truly screwed - because I'm dead.

Intergalactic Casanova 

I'm certainly not what the title suggests but for some reason beyond my comprehension, there's a rumour going around Atlantis and beyond that states that is exactly what I am!

How this got started is anyone's guess. Don't get me wrong, I am not your virtuous self-sacrificing - way past the age of consent - virgin waiting for his wedding night before getting laid. On the contrary, I've had my moments but of late, they've been a little thin on the ground.

I mean, between the three A's - Afghanistan, Antarctica and Atlantis, I could count the number of times on less than five fingers, not that I'm ready to admit to that. I mean, Beckett's mice see more action than I do.

Anyway, let's start with Afghanistan. It was darn hot in the summer, sandy in places and the women covered themselves from head to foot. Not much opportunity there and I do have respect for other cultures and beliefs. (I told Chaya that). Besides, I really didn't want to know what was under those Burkas, it could have been bearded terrorists for all knew and anyway, I was too busy saving lives and disobeying orders.

Now Antarctica that was darn cold, very dark for some of the year and the few women we had out there were covered from head to foot for other reasons than their religious beliefs and in all probability would have sued me for sexual harassment if I'd so much as touched them. Didn't have the time out there either, I was too busy ferrying people and their equipment to a strange location.

Then came the day I took a big boss General out to said location and he allowed me in. (First one to do that). Then I went and sat in a chair and found myself embarking on the greatest adventure of my life. And for the first time in a long time, the women were dressed in normal attire.

Less than a blink of an eye later, I was landed with being CO of military operations in the city of Atlantis. Meaning hands off the women, John, you're the top man now and that means you have to behave real good. Difficult I can tell ya when watching the likes of Teyla in her skimpy outfits and Elizabeth in her little red tops. They caused me many nights of dreaming and cold showers. (**I'm human and not dead. Yet)!**

So you can't blame me when half a year into our little adventure Chaya comes along like a breath of fresh air. It's instant attraction to a very beautiful woman and I must admit I fell head over heels. So I wined and dined her on my favourite pier, I even gave her a kiss but being the gentleman that I am, that was as far as it went on our first date. How could I tell it would be our last! The next thing I knew she turned out to be an ascended Ancient and left me to go back home and save her planet. However, she did share with me when I followed her. That was – cool - but it wasn't what you think. All I got out of that whole episode was Rodney starting to call me Kirk. For heavens sake, I don't even look like him. I don't hold it against Rodney after all he was only being protective of Atlantis and me. That's another thing I have to put straight, there is nothing going on between Rodney and me. We are strictly good friends, we save each other's lives and nothing more. We both like the girls as a later comment will confirm.

Now where was I, oh yeah, more months went by with too many narrow escapes, a city full of Wraith, being nuked nearly to a crisp, cold showers, wet dreams and the title of Lt. Colonel to keep me company. Oh, and a hug from Elizabeth - that was kind of nice.

Then there was the Ellia incident when she passed on the retrovirus by attempting to feed on me and I found myself turning into a **bug**. Before the yucky buggy skin started to show and I was beginning to feeling a bit like mister invincible - out of control, I lost it when training with Teyla and planted a rather heavy kiss on the poor girl. It didn't go any further before I realised that just wasn't right and regained control, and it didn't happen again although the bug in me sure wouldn't have minded. Later being a gentleman and 100 percent back to John Sheppard, I apologized to Teyla.

Now the Aurora had a sexy first officer but for some reason she didn't turn me on. (Maybe because the body outside was like 10,000 years old). I only gave her a nice smile when I first saw her, an automatic John reaction. Now Rodney thought she was hot even after he knew she was a Wraith. What is it with Rodney and blonds anyway?

A few weeks after that, I'm face to face with a woman from hell. I mean, she had to be the ugliest Wraith Queen I had even seen and I don't think it was my virtue she was after. Although, the little girl she planted in my cell wasn't bad for a crazy Wraith worshipping spy but I quickly latched onto her game. No action there.

After that little episode and yet another narrow escape, I found myself stuck in a sanctuary with a hand full of mediating Ancients waiting to ascend. The only redeeming part was the lovely Teer and after nearly six months of waiting for a rescue and finally giving up hope, we kissed and – yep - we made love. Believe me I sure was walking on air the next morning. Just after that came the long awaited rescue and she ascended, another Ancient gone.

Now the tower that was a very interesting situation and after being forced – I mean, invited in, the folks wined and dined me. Then Mara, the chief man's daughter, paid me a visit after the hours of darkness, she tossed off her robe and stood there naked as the day she was born. What was a man to do …………? Well, I'm leaving this bit blank but I was smiling the next morning.

Not long after that bit of fun, I found myself being invaded by another mind and having Elizabeth giving me a nicest of kisses. To be fair, it wasn't Elizabeth that kissed me - **unfortunately**. She was Phoebus and I was Thalan, and the next thing I knew Lizzy was trying to kill me, I mean Thalan. I understood everything that was happening but I had absolutely no control, weird – really – weird, but the kiss was nice. Could we do that again Lizzy? Now where did that come from? Respectable man, remember that John. She's the boss.

A couple of days ago before everything went to hell thanks to a super volcano, I found myself flirting with the very sexy Norena just to get Rodney annoyed because I knew she was his date right from the beginning. Scientific minds and all.

So here we are, nearly two years in the Pegasus Galaxy and your Intergalactic Casanova has tallied up a total of five kisses and one or two … well, you know what I mean.

Casanova my ass, if he were here he'd probably tell me, **that's all in a days work! **


End file.
